Reviu Buku: Confess oleh Colleen Hoover (2015)


Finally i am going back to my roots, dear readers.

Kali ini aku mau bahas tentang bukunya Colleen Hoover (CoHo) yang berjudul Confess. CoHo is one of my favorite author, dan aku inget banget buku pertama yang aku baca dan bikin aku masuk ke bookworm dimension adalah Slammed Seriesnya CoHo.

Back to Topic, Confess bercerita tentang female protagonis bernama Auburn Mason Reed. Pada bagian prolog awal diceritakan tentang Auburn dan Adam saat mereka berumur 15 tahun. They were each other’s first. But Adam menderita sakit parah dan going die. Continue reading


My 24th Birthday

Let me review my birthday posts in prior years of blogging:

2008 – 15 y.o. -> take care mom and dad
2009 – 16 y.0. -> The Worst Birthday
2013 – 20 y.o. -> Turning 20
2015 – 22 y.o -> Worn Out

Omg it’s been 10 years of blogging. What an achievement.

Anyway, this year, as usual as always in every year, i celebrate my birthday on my own (this is a subtle version of having birthday alone). Continue reading

Undeserving Friend

Yep, that’s her.

She is the undeserving friend.

Stab her friends from back.

No, she is not proud of her self.

What a coward.

All she can do was just quit quit and quit. Runaway from the problems without showing any effort to resolve them.

A shameful embarassment

Welcome Ramadhan

Comparing to prior ramadhan, this year i am already a student which means i work in mon to fri and have classes in fri and sat. Then when the hell can i pray tarawih at mosque 😔. So sad.

Last year at least i prayed tarawih at mosque every friday-sunday. Meaning, 3 nights a week times 3 weeks (1 week break for menstrual period) = 9 tarawih prayers in 1 month of ramadhan.

I am really wasting ramadhan this year and next 2 years. sad.

And i am targeting finishing my recite before ramadhan so than i will start from albaqarah entering this ramadhan.

but promises are promises😂😂😂


A Letter from Past Me

So last day 1 Dec 2016, i receive a remarkable email from Turns out it was a letter i wrote on 16 January 2016.

Here it is :


I just read it minutes after my previous post, what a coincidence!

I hope i could reply the letter to past me, too bad it’s impossible (maybe there will be technology to communicate across time).

And here is my reply to the past me:

Dear PastMe,
It’s 8 in the morning. Alhamdulillah, DHI’s stock valuation went will eventhough some errors went underdetected. But you can finish it!
Life is going just as much as life you had in January, no more no less. It is still sad and stressful.
Yes you passed PLP 1, moreover you already passed PLP 2!!!!! Congratulations my self, you are amazing, remember that.
Yes you passed WMI, but you still have not taken the certificate yet (pls follow up or you will lose it).
Progress is still going, keep living, keep moving on.
Your college life is awesome, and just so you know your future self have 2 final exams tomorrow and you know what, you haven’t started any reading!!!!! Come on dear self, study! Anyway, you were accepted in UI (at least you passed written test but choose not to take the oral test) but you didn’t take it because UI only have everyday class. You are now MBA’s student of Gadjahmada University (because, duh, it has employees’ class). Your are the class leader! I am so proud of you!
I hope everything goes better as well, eventhough it seems nothing goes better than January 2016. Work still sucks, love life still sucks.
But there is a major difference dear me. Now i have kiuw and MF as my friends, i have friends now, and we meet up almost everyweek :). Belive that everything will get better eventually and you are doing great! Nobody needs to tell you that, but i say it anyway because you deserve better.

Keep surviving cip. Keep alive as well.
Love xxx future you.


  • Why does everyone keep pushing my limit?
  • Why does everybody ask more than my capability?
  • Why is all taking more than i am able to give?

Whilst everybody know that taking more than you can give will result in unhappy relationship

  • It may be family relationship.
  • It may be work relationship.
  • It may be friendship. (but please this one would never take more than i give).

Why is everyone keep pushing my limit?

I’ve already done my best but it still does not enough? HELLOOOOO PEOPLE CAN YOU SEE MY STRUGGLE, MY EFFORT, SACRIFICE I MADE?

How much tears i should shed so it be enough?

They said they were my family, they were my home, this was the place where i belong, but why wouldn’t i feel safe around them? Why would i always feel scared, stressed around them? I was and still am never calm.

This condition makes me lose my purpose of life. Then again, i don’t have purpose in my life, my dad chooses them all.

I don’t have control over my life, my future, my crucial life decision.

I only have control on what food i buy for lunch, what color of pen i use, just trivia things. unimportant.

It’s been 14 months since the first time i worked here, and the feeling never changes. I still cry everynight. I still feel confused and get nowhere to ask. I still feel stressed and have nobody to share my story.

Even when i wake up in the moring, my dad asks about his client project.

This is crazy!

  • Does he even think whether i have friend or not?
  • Whether i have boyfriend or not?
  • Does he even care if i have a happy life or not?

No, i don’t think so.

Everyone thinks they all know me better than my self. But just so you know, i am a social person, i was a cheerfull girl, one with carefree soul. Not like this, not like now.

I am tired God.

So tired.

Tired of being pushed.

Tired of crying.

Tired of doing what i do not like. (it’s not like that i do not like it actually, it’s is more like keep doing something under stress so i do not like it).

Tired of being alone and lonely and nobody there. (i always get back home at midnight to pre-dawn when everyone in my house already falls a sleep, and i always wake up when everyone already goes out doing their activities).

I have no one to listen to my rumble.

Always work in silence. Alone.

Dear God, make my life easy and do not make my life hard. You are all i have. You are the most frequently side i interact, 5 times a day at minimum, while nobody cares. You are the only one in the world that give me more than i could take.


Tonsils and Sinus Surgery

2016 is one of memorable years of my life.

This year i finally started my graduate program i.e. MBA program at UGM Jakarta, praise the Lord because i met new friends and they were all wonderful, i don’t want our study be end :(.

Another life changing decision i take this year is : getting my tonsils and sinus removed!!!!!

Yes, seriously, i am not kidding. My very first sleeping in hospital experience is happen this year, to be exact, at 19 – 23 September 2016.

I had tonsils and sinus surgery in Rumah Sakit Islam Pondok Kopi Hospital, since it was close enough to both my office and my house.

Before i finally agreed to remove my tonsils (both my tonsil) and sinus (on left nose), i was already outpatients for about three weeks, 1 visit to general medical doctor, and 3 visits to THT specialist doctors.

My THT specialist doctor is dr. Fitriah Shebubakar Sp.THT, she is younger sister of the famous dr. Lukman Shebubakar Sp.OT (my father surgical orthopedy doctor). She is very talented and bold, that’s why i finally agreed to get my tonsil removed.

The surgery itself took 3,5hours started at 11.30 am to 03 pm at 19 September where i met dr. Nazar SpAN and dr Helmi SpAN as anasthesia doctors and Ms. Erica the surgical nurse. After the surgery done, i was hospitalized until Friday.

I don’t talk to many people regarding my operation, but i posted on instagram, and some of my undergraduate and kieww friends who’d seen that asked my right away and visited me on hospital. Thank you friends. Last year i felt so alone i didn’t have any friend, but today i feel so blessed because i surounded by lovely lads.

Today [25-September-2016] i am still recovering but office deadlines is thicking. Tomorrow i need to visit my doctor as post surgery visit but 26 September – 4 October i join PLP 1 Properti on 18 Office Park TB Simatupang everyday from 8am to 6pm >.< (dear god give me strength).

Like it or not i need to miss some classes in order to visit doctor. Besides PLP and post surgery treatment, i also have office deadlines from my clients regarding tax amnesty, he needs all his reports (i.e. 7 report in total) to be done before 30 September 2016.





My boss said i must finish the deadline.

My dad said i must pass the PLP 1 Properti (it has 2 exams at the end of period)

and i said i need more time to sleep and eat.

Until now i only eat processed food and porridge, my doctor told me i can eat raw food at least 10 days after surgery, and my nose is still bleeding whenever i cough.